You And I Run Rackets

Dale Carnegie's first principle of human relations is "Never criticize, condemn, or complain." There's a very good reason for that -and its called a racket!

A racket is a form of energy suck and emotional drain caused by the person running the racket. Most human beings (if not all) run rackets. We do it because we are convinced that it is a normal part of everyday life. We never slow down enough to realize that it is actually costing us energy, and emotional bankruptcy.

A racket -said simply is a complaint. An ongoing complaint that HAS US. It isn't that we have this "thing" called a complaint -its that this thing called a complaint calls the shots as to how we respond and the actions we take. It is all about something outside of ourselves having more power than the person inside here.

So we begin with a complaint. For example, one of my clients is a manager of a large firm that specializes in insurance. She has a complaint of one of the managers. He NEVER contributes to the team. He stays being a lone wolf.

So my client has this opinion of him that he is a certain way and that way that he is being is "wrong" or doesn't fit into the plan or expectations of the organization. He is also part owner so firing him would not be possible at this time.

She gets into conversations and who he is for her is "you don't contribute" so everything he does, says, or communicates gets filtered through this grid from her world. She looks for evidence to back up her opinion (this is ALWAYS what we do by the way -we actually think the evidence creates the opinion but the opposite is true!) and she always finds it.

My clients gets to be "right" about her opinion and that feels good.

People who engage in rackets pretend that everything is fine when they really lack closeness in the relationship. It is about protecting their territory from a perceived threat. To give away their power to others by admitting that they are right is very threatening.

It also costs the person running the racket dearly. They cut off any chance of closeness, happiness (for themselves), and being fully self-expressed. There is a loss of power, effectiveness, along with lower productivity and morale.

So she runs this racket on this manager and at the end of the day he just keeps being the manager who doesn't contribute and she is stressed out about it and frustrated. What's the point? Well, we actually think we are going to change something by engaging in a racket but we only change our own emotional state.

Rackets are insidious and common but cost us dearly.

If my client were to give up making the manager wrong and just accept that's what she has to work with then she could focus her energies on creating something that works -rather than focusing on what doesn't.

Here are some questions for further thought...

Are you more committed to being "right" than running your racket?
Where in your life are you chronically concerned with being right?
Where are you justifying yourself?
Where are you concerned with remaining exactly the way you are without budging?


Sources:
The Last Word On Power, By: Tracy Goss, pp. 223-231,
©1996, Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc. ISBN: 0-385-47492-X
The Three Laws Of Performance, By: Steve Zaffron & Dave Logan, pp. 47-48, 58
©2009, Jossey-Bass, A Wiley Imprint: ISBN: 978-0-470-19559-8